i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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