McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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So squirting runs in the family.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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