Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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