Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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