corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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