I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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