if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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