and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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