Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you traded sex for a burrito?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
