you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
