i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
