ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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