haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
