I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
