He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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