I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
