As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
