why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
