thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
