Already got asked if we're dating
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He did a backflip because drugs
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