I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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