Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize