guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
