Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
