well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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