dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
