I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
