Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent