I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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