If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean