Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates