When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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