I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
