you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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