you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
birth control should be required to get into college
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
