He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
