operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
