It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
