i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
