I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said her name was "party"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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