Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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