You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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