Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
