we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
