you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
