I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I pour the whiskey from now on
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
