You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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