well I can't set my house on fire every night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
