Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
