Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
