he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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