My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
