I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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