I bet he comes in French.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
