I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
