why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i now understand why vodka
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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