You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
