i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
