Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
