Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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