Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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