Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
