you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
