May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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