there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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