we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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