whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
