bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I believe in your delicious
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
